第15章

类别:其他 作者:Swinburne, Algernon Charles字数:10819更新时间:19/01/07 15:14:13
\"Very,\"saidtheyoungman;\"butit’stheLord’swill。\" \"Yes,\"saidTantSannie,andsighed。 \"Shewassuchagoodwife,aunt:I’veknownherbreakachurn—stickoveramaid’sheadforonlylettingdustcomeonamilkcloth。\" TantSanniefeltatwingeofjealousy。Shehadneverbrokenachurn—stickonamaid’shead。 \"Ihopeyourwifemadeagoodend,\"shesaid。 \"Oh,beautiful,aunt:shesaidupapsalmandtwohymnsandahalfbeforeshedied。\" \"Didsheleaveanymessages?\"askedTantSannie。 \"No,\"saidtheyoungman;\"butthenightbeforeshediedIwaslyingatthefootofherbed;Ifeltherfootkickme。 \"’Piet,’shesaid。 \"’Annie,myheart,’saidI。 \"’Mylittlebabythatdiedyesterdayhasbeenhere,anditstoodoverthewagon—box,’shesaid。 \"’Whatdiditsay?’Iasked。 \"’ItsaidthatifIdiedyoumustmarryafatwoman。’ \"’Iwill,’Isaid,andIwenttosleepagain。Presentlyshewokeme。 \"’Thelittlebabyhasbeenhereagain,anditsaysyoumustmarryawomanoverthirty,andwho’shadtwohusbands。’ \"Ididn’tgotosleepafterthatforalongtime,aunt;butwhenIdidshewokeme。 \"’Thebabyhasbeenhereagain,’shesaid,’anditsaysyoumustn’tmarryawomanwithamole。’ItoldherIwouldn’t;andthenextdayshedied。\" \"ThatwasavisionfromtheRedeemer,\"saidTantSannie。 Theyoungmannoddedhisheadmournfully。Hethoughtofayoungersisterofhiswife’swhowasnotfat,andwhohadamole,andofwhomhiswifehadalwaysbeenjealous,andhewishedthelittlebabyhadlikedbetterstayinginheaventhancomingandstandingoverthewagon—chest。 \"Isupposethat’swhyyoucametome,\"saidTantSannie。 \"Yes,aunt。AndpasaidIoughttogetmarriedbeforeshearing—time。Itisbadifthere’snoonetoseeafterthingsthen;andthemaidswastesuchalotoffat。\" \"Whendoyouwanttogetmarried?\" \"Nextmonth,aunt,\"saidtheyoungmaninatoneofhopelessresignation。 \"MayIkissyou,aunt?\" \"Fie!fie!\"saidTantSannie,andthengavehimaresoundingkiss。Come,drawyourchairalittlecloser,\"shesaid,andtheirelbowsnowtouching,theysatonthroughthenight。 Thenextmorningatdawn,asEmpassedthroughTantSannie’sbedroom,shefoundtheBoer—womanpullingoffherbootspreparatorytoclimbingintobed。 \"WhereisPietVanderWalt?\" \"Justgone,\"saidTantSannie;\"andIamgoingtomarryhimthisdayfourweeks。Iamdeadsleepy,\"sheadded;\"thestupidthingdoesn’tknowhowtotalklove—talkatall,\"andsheclimbedintothefour—poster,clothesandall,anddrewthequiltuptoherchin…… OnthedayprecedingTantSannie’swedding,GregoryRosesatintheblazingsunonthestonewallbehindhisdaub—and—wattlehouse。Itwaswarm,buthewasintentlywatchingasmallbuggythatwasbeingrecklesslydrivenoverthebushesinthedirectionofthefarmhouse。Gregoryneverstirredtillithadvanished;then,findingthestoneshot,heslippeddownandwalkedintothehouse。Hekickedthelittlepailthatlayinthedoorway,andsentitintoonecorner;thatdidhimgood。Thenhesatdownonthebox,andbegancuttinglettersoutofapieceofnewspaper。Findingthatthesnippingslitteredthefloor,hepickedthemupandbeganscribblingonhisblotting—paper。HetriedtheeffectofdifferentinitialsbeforethenameRose:G。Rose,E。Rose,L。Rose,Rose,L。L。,L。L。Rose。Whenhehadcoveredthesheet,helookedatitdiscontentedlyalittlewhile,thensuddenlybegantowritealetter: \"BelovedSister,\"ItisalongwhilesinceIlastwrotetoyou,butIhavehadnotime。 ThisisthefirstmorningIhavebeenathomesinceIdon’tknowwhen。Emalwaysexpectsmetogodowntothefarmhouseinthemorning;butIdidn’tfeelasthoughIcouldstandtheridetoday。 \"Ihavemuchnewsforyou。 \"TantSannie,Em’sBoerstepmother,istobemarriedtomorrow。Sheisgonetotowntoday,andtheweddingfeastistobeatherbrother’sfarm。EmandIaregoingtorideoveronhorseback,buthercousinisgoingtorideinthebuggywiththatGerman。Idon’tthinkI’vewrittentoyousinceshecamebackfromschool。Idon’tthinkyouwouldlikeheratall,Jemima; there’ssomethingsoproudabouther。Shethinksjustbecauseshe’shandsomethere’snobodygoodenoughtotalktoher,andjustasiftherehadnobodyelsebutherbeentoboarding—schoolbefore。 \"Theyaregoingtohaveagrandaffairtomorrow;alltheBoersaboutarecoming,andtheyaregoingtodanceallnight;butIdon’tthinkIshalldanceatall;for,asEm’scousinsays,theseBoerdancesarelowthings。 IamsureIonlydancedatthelasttopleaseEm。Idon’tknowwhysheisfondofdancing。EmtalkedofourbeingmarriedonthesamedayasTantSannie;butIsaiditwouldbenicerforherifshewaitedtilltheshearingwasover,andItookherdowntoseeyou。Isupposeshewillhavetolivewithus(Em’scousin,Imean),asshehasnotanythingintheworldbutapoorfiftypounds。Idon’tlikeheratall,Jemima,andIdon’tthinkyouwould。She’sgotsuchqueerways;she’salwaysdrivingaboutinagigwiththatlowGerman;andIdon’tthinkit’satallthethingforawomantobegoingaboutwithamanshe’snotengagedto。Doyou?Ifitwasmenow,ofcourse,whoamakindofconnection,itwouldbedifferent。 Thewayshetreatsme,consideringthatIamsosoontobehercousin,isnotatallnice。Itookdownmyalbumtheotherdaywithyourlikenessesinit,andItoldhershecouldlookatit,andputitdownclosetoher; butshejustsaid,Thankyou,andnevereventouchedit,asmuchastosay— —Whatareyourrelationstome? \"Shegetsthewildesthorsesinthatbuggy,andahorridsnappishlittlecurbelongingtotheGermansittinginfront,andthenshedrivesoutalone。Idon’tthinkit’satallproperforawomantodriveoutalone;I wouldn’tallowitifshewasmysister。Theothermorning,Idon’tknowhowithappened,Iwasgoinginthewayfromwhichshewascoming,andthatlittlebeast——theycallhimDoss——begantobarkwhenhesawme——healwaysdoes,thelittlewretch——andthehorsesbegantospring,andkickedthesplashboardalltopieces。ItwasasighttoseeJemima!ShehasgotthelittlesthandsIeversaw——Icouldholdthembothinoneofmine,andnotknowthatI’dgotanythingexceptthattheyweresosoft;butsheheldthosehorsesinasthoughtheyweremadeofiron。WhenIwantedtohelphershesaid,’Nothankyou:Icanmanagethemmyself。I’vegotapairofbitsthatwouldbreaktheirjawsifIusedthemwell,’andshelaughedanddroveaway。It’ssounwomanly。 \"Tellfathermyhireofthegroundwillnotbeoutforsixmonths,andbeforethatEmandIwillbemarried。Mypairofbirdsisbreedingnow,butIhaven’tbeendowntoseethemforthreedays。Idon’tseemtocareaboutanythinganymore。Idon’tknowwhatitis;I’mnotwell。IfIgointotownonSaturdayIwillletthedoctorexamineme;butperhapsshe’llgoinherself。It’saverystrangething,Jemima,butsheneverwillsendherletterstopostbyme。IfIaskhershehasnone,andtheverynextdayshegoesinandpoststhemherself。Youmustn’tsayanythingaboutit,Jemima,buttwiceI’vebroughtherlettersfromthepostinagentleman’shand,andI’msuretheywerebothfromthesameperson,becauseInoticedeverylittlemark,eventhedottingofthei’s。 \"Ofcourseit’snothingtome;butforEm’ssakeIcan’thelpfeelinganinterestinher,howevermuchImaydislikehermyself;andIhopeshe’suptonothing。Ipitythemanwhomarriesher;Iwouldn’tbehimforanything。IfIhadawifewithprideI’dmakehergiveitup,sharp。I don’tbelieveinamanwhocan’tmakeawomanobeyhim。NowEm——I’mveryfondofher,asyouknow——butifItellhertoputonacertaindress,thatdresssheputson;andifItellhertositonacertainseat,onthatseatshesits;andifItellhernottospeaktoacertainindividual,shedoesnotspeaktothem。Ifamanletsawomandowhathedoesn’tlikehe’samuff。 \"Givemylovetomotherandthechildren。Theveldhereislookingprettygood,andthesheeparebettersincewewashedthem。Tellfatherthedipherecommendedisverygood。 \"Emsendsherlovetoyou。Sheismakingmesomewoollenshirts;buttheydon’tfitmesonicelyasthosemothermademe。 \"Writesoonto\"Yourlovingbrother,Gregory。 \"P。S。——Shedrovepastjustnow;Iwassittingonthekraalwallrightbeforehereyes,andsheneverevenbowed。G。N。R。\" Chapter2。VI。ABoer—wedding。 \"Ididn’tknowbeforeyouweresofondofridinghard,\"saidGregorytohislittlebetrothed。 TheywerecanteringslowlyontheroadtoOomMuller’sonthemorningofthewedding。 \"Doyoucallthisridinghard?\"askedEminsomeastonishment。 \"OfcourseIdo!It’senoughtobreakthehorses’necks,andknockoneupforthewholedaybesides,\"headdedtestily;thentwistedhisheadtolookatthebuggythatcameonbehind。\"IthoughtWaldowassuchamaddriver; theyaretakingiteasilyenoughtoday,\"saidGregory。\"Onewouldthinktheblackstallionswerelame。\" \"Isupposetheywanttokeepoutofourdust,\"saidEm。\"See,theystandstillassoonaswedo。\" Perceivingthistobethecase,Gregoryrodeon。 \"It’sallthathorseofyours:shekicksupsuchaconfoundeddust,I can’tstanditmyself,\"hesaid。 Meanwhilethecartcameonslowlyenough。 \"Takethereins,\"saidLyndall,and\"andmakethemwalk。Iwanttorestandwatchtheirhoofstoday——nottobeexhilarated;Iamsotired。\" Sheleanedbackinhercorner,andWaldodroveonslowlyinthegreydawnlightalongthelevelroad。Theypassedtheverymilk—bushbehindwhichsomanyyearsbeforetheoldGermanhadfoundtheKafferwoman。Buttheirthoughtswerenotwithhimthatmorning:theywerethethoughtsoftheyoung,thatrunouttomeetthefuture,andlabourinthepresent。Atlasthetouchedherarm。 \"Whatisit?\" \"Ifearedyouhadgonetosleepandmightbejoltedout,\"hesaid;\"yousatsoquietly。\" \"No;donottalktome;Iamnotasleep;\"butafteratimeshesaidsuddenly:\"Itmustbeaterriblethingtobringahumanbeingintotheworld。\" Waldolookedround;shesatdrawnintothecorner,herbluecloudwoundtightlyabouther,andshestillwatchedthehorses’feet。Havingnocommenttoofferonhersomewhatunexpectedremark,hemerelytoucheduphishorses。 \"Ihavenoconscience,none,\"sheadded;\"butIwouldnotliketobringasoulintothisworld。Whenitsinnedandwhenitsufferedsomethinglikeadeadhandwouldfallonme——’Youdidit,you,foryourownpleasureyoucreatedthisthing!Seeyourwork!’Ifitlivedtobeeightyitwouldalwayshanglikeamillstoneroundmyneck,havetherighttodemandgoodfromme,andcursemeforitssorrow。AparentisonlyliketoGod——ifhisworkturnsoutbad,somuchtheworseforhim;hedarenotwashhishandsofit。Timeandyearscanneverbringthedaywhenyoucansaytoyourchild:’Soul,whathaveItodowithyou?’\" Waldosaiddreamingly: \"Itisamarvellousthingthatonesoulshouldhavepowertocauseanother。\" Sheheardthewordsassheheardthebeatingofthehorses’hoofs;herthoughtsranonintheirownline。 \"Theysay,’Godsendsthelittlebabies。’Ofallthedastardlyrevoltingliesmentelltosuitthemselves,Ihatethatmost。Isupposemyfathersaidsowhenheknewhewasdyingofconsumption,andmymotherwhensheknewshehadnothingtosupportmeon,andtheycreatedmetofeedlikeadogfromstrangerhands。MendonotsayGodsendsthebooks,orthenewspaperarticles,orthemachinestheymake;andthensigh,andshrugtheirshouldersandsaytheycan’thelpit。Whydotheysaysoaboutotherthings?Liars!’Godsendsthelittlebabies!’\"Shestruckherfootfretfullyagainstthesplashboard。\"Thesmallchildrensaysoearnestly。 TheytouchthelittlestrangerreverentlywhohasjustcomefromGod’sfarcountry,andtheypeepabouttheroomtoseeifnotonewhitefeatherhasdroppedfromthewingoftheangelthatbroughthim。Ontheirlipsthephrasemeansmuch;onallothersitisadeliberatelie。Noticeable,too,\" shesaid,droppinginaninstantfromthepassionateintoalow,mockingtone,\"whenpeoplearemarried,thoughtheyshouldhavesixtychildren,theythrowthewholeonusonGod。Whentheyarenot,wehearnothingaboutGod’shavingsentthem。Whentherehasbeennolegalcontractbetweentheparents,whosendsthelittlechildrenthen?Thedevilperhaps!\"Shelaughedherlittlesilvery,mockinglaugh。\"Oddthatsomemenshouldcomefromhellandsomefromheaven,andyetalllooksomuchalikewhentheygethere。\" Waldowonderedather。Hehadnotthekeytoherthoughts,anddidnotseethestringonwhichtheywerestrung。Shedrewhercloudtighterabouther。 \"Itmustbeverynicetobelieveinthedevil,\"shesaid;\"IwishIdid。 IfitwouldbeofanyuseIwouldpraythreehoursnightandmorningonmybareknees,’God,letmebelieveinSatan。’Heissousefultothosepeoplewhodo。Theymaybeasselfishandassensualastheyplease,and,betweenGod’swillandthedevil’saction,alwayshavesomeonetothrowtheirsinon。Butwe,wretchedunbelievers,webearourownburdens:wemustsay,’Imyselfdidit,I。NotGod,notSatan;Imyself!’Thatisthestingthatstrikesdeep。Waldo,\"shesaidgently,withasuddenandcompletechangeofmanner,\"Ilikeyousomuch,Iloveyou。\"Sherestedhercheeksoftlyagainsthisshoulder。\"WhenIamwithyouIneverknowthatIamawomanandyouareaman;Ionlyknowthatweareboththingsthatthink。OthermenwhenIamwiththem,whetherIlovethemornot,theyaremerebodiestome;butyouareaspirit;Ilikeyou。Look,\"shesaidquickly,sinkingbackintohercorner,\"whataprettypinknessthereisonallthehilltops!Thesunwillriseinamoment。\" Waldoliftedhiseyestolookroundoverthecircleofgoldenhills;andthehorses,asthefirstsunbeamstouchedthem,shooktheirheadsandchampedtheirbrightbits,tillthebrasssettingsintheirharnessglitteredagain。 Itwaseighto’clockwhentheynearedthefarmhouse:ared—brickbuilding,withkraalstotherightandasmallorchardtotheleft。Alreadythereweresignsofunusuallifeandbustle:onecart,awagon,andacoupleofsaddlesagainstthewallbetokenedthearrivalofafewearlyguests,whosenumberswouldsoonbelargelyincreased。ToaDutchcountryweddingguestsstartupinnumbersastonishingtoonewhohasmerelyriddenthroughtheplainsofsparsely—inhabitedkaroo。 Asthemorningadvances,ridersonmanyshadesofsteedsappearfromalldirections,andaddtheirsaddlestothelongrowsagainstthewalls,shakehands,drinkcoffee,andstandaboutoutsideingroupstowatchthearrivingcartsandox—wagons,astheyareunburdenedoftheirheavyfreightofmassiveTantesandcomelydaughters,followedbyswarmsofchildrenofallsizes,dressedinallmannerofprintandmoleskin,whoaretakencareofbyHottentot,Kaffer,andhalf—castenurses,whosemany—shadedcomplexions,rangingfromlightyellowuptoebonyblack,addvarietytotheanimatedscene。 Everywhereisexcitementandbustle,whichgraduallyincreasesasthetimeforthereturnofthewedding—partyapproaches。Preparationsforthefeastareactivelyadvancinginthekitchen;coffeeisliberallyhandedround,andamidaprofoundsensation,andthefiringofguns,thehorse—wagondrawsup,andthewedding—partyalight。Brideandbridegroom,withtheirattendants,marchsolemnlytothemarriage—chamber,wherebedandboxaredeckedoutinwhite,withendsofribbonandartificialflowers,andwhereonarowofchairsthepartysolemnlyseatthemselves。Afteratimebridesmaidandbestmanrise,andconductinwithceremonyeachindividualguest,towishsuccessandtokissbrideandbridegroom。 Thenthefeastissetonthetable,anditisalmostsunsetbeforethedishesareclearedaway,andthepleasureofthedaybegins。Everythingisremovedfromthegreatfrontroom,andthemudfloor,wellrubbedwithbullock’sblood,glistenslikepolishedmahogany。Thefemaleportionoftheassemblyflockintotheside—roomstoattirethemselvesfortheevening;andre—issuecladinwhitemuslin,andgaywithbrightribbonsandbrassjewelry。Thedancingbeginsasthefirsttallowcandlesarestuckupaboutthewalls,themusiccomingfromacoupleoffiddlersinacorneroftheroom。Brideandbridegroomopentheball,andthefloorissooncoveredwithwhirlingcouples,andeveryone’sspiritsrise。Thebridalpairminglefreelyinthethrong,andhereandthereamusicalmansingsvigorouslyashedragshispartnerthroughtheBlueWaterorJohnSperiwig; boysshoutandapplaud,andtheenjoymentandconfusionareintense,tilleleveno’clockcomes。Bythistimethechildrenwhoswarmintheside— roomsarenottobekeptquietlonger,evenbyhunchesofbreadandcake; thereisageneralhowlandwail,thatrisesyethigherthanthescrapingoffiddles,andmothersrushfromtheirpartnerstoknocksmallheadstogether,andcufflittlenursemaids,andforcethewailersdownintounoccupiedcornersofbeds,undertablesandbehindboxes。Inhalfanhoureveryvarietyofchildishsnoreisheardonallsides,andithasbecomeperiloustoraiseorsetdownafootinanyoftheside—roomslestasmallheadorhandshouldbecrushed。 Nowtoothebusyfeethavebrokenthesolidcoatingofthefloor,andacloudoffinedustarises,thatmakesayellowhaloroundthecandles,andsetsasthmaticpeoplecoughing,andgrowsdenser,tilltorecogniseanyoneontheoppositesideoftheroombecomesimpossible,andapartner’sfaceisseenthroughayellowmist。 Attwelveo’clockthebrideisledtothemarriage—chamberandundressed; thelightsareblownout,andthebridegroomisbroughttothedoorbythebestman,whogiveshimthekey;thenthedoorisshutandlocked,andtherevelsrisehigherthanever。Thereisnothoughtofsleeptillmorning,andnounoccupiedspotwheresleepmaybefound。 ItwasatthisstageoftheproceedingsonthenightofTantSannie’sweddingthatLyndallsatnearthedoorwayinoneoftheside—rooms,towatchthedancersastheyappearedanddisappearedintheyellowcloudofdust。Gregorysatmoodilyinacornerofthelargedancing—room。Hislittlebetrothedtouchedhisarm。 \"IwishyouwouldgoandaskLyndalltodancewithyou,\"shesaid;\"shemustbesotired;shehassatstillthewholeevening。\" \"Ihaveaskedherthreetimes,\"repliedherlovershortly。\"I’mnotgoingtobeherdog,andcreeptoherfeet,justtogiveherthepleasureofkickingme——notforyou,Em,norforanybodyelse。\" \"Oh,Ididn’tknowyouhadaskedher,Greg,\"saidhislittlebetrothed,humbly;andshewentawaytopouroutcoffee。 Nevertheless,sometimeafterGregoryfoundhehadshiftedsofarroundtheroomastobeclosetothedoorwhereLyndallsat。Afterstandingforsometimeheinquiredwhetherhemightnotbringheracupofcoffee。 Shedeclined;butstillhestoodon(whyshouldhenotstandthereaswellasanywhereelse?),andthenhesteppedintothebedroom。 \"MayInotbringyouastove,MissLyndall,toputyourfeeton?\" \"Thankyou。\" Hesoughtforone,andputitunderherfeet。 \"Thereisadraughtfromthatbrokenwindow:shallIstuffsomethinginthepane?\" \"No,wewantair。\" Gregorylookedround,butnothingelsesuggestingitself,hesatdownonaboxontheoppositesideofthedoor。Lyndallsatbeforehim,herchinrestinginherhand;hereyes,steel—greybyday,butblackbynight,lookedthroughthedoorwayintothenextroom。Afteratimehethoughtshehadentirelyforgottenhisproximity,andhedaredtoinspectthelittlehandsandneckasheneverdaredwhenhewasinmomentarydreadoftheeyesbeingturneduponhim。 Shewasdressedinblack,whichseemedtotakeheryetfurtherfromthewhite—clad,gewgawedwomenabouther;andthelittlehandswerewhite,andthediamondringglittered。Wherehadshegotthatring?Hebentforwardalittleandtriedtodeciphertheletters,butthecandle—lightwastoofaint。Whenhelookeduphereyeswerefixedonhim。Shewaslookingathim——not,Gregoryfelt,asshehadeverlookedathimbefore;notasthoughhewereastumporastonethatchancehadthrowninherway。Tonight,whetheritwerecritically,orkindly,orunkindly,hecouldnottell,butshelookedathim,attheman,GregoryRose,withattention。Avagueelationfilledhim。Heclinchedhisfisttighttothinkofsomegoodideahemightexpresstoher;butofallthoseprofoundthingshehadpicturedhimselfassayingtoher,whenhesataloneinthedaub—and—wattlehouse,notonecame。Hesaid,atlast: \"TheseBoerdancesareverylowthings;\"andthen,assoonasithadgonefromhim,hethoughtitwasnotacleverremark,andwisheditback。 BeforeLyndallrepliedEmlookedinatthedoor。 \"Oh,come,\"shesaid;\"theyaregoingtohavethecushion—dance。Idonotwanttokissanyofthesefellows。Takemequickly。\" SheslippedherhandintoGregory’sarm。 \"Itissodusty,Em;doyoucaretodanceanymore?\"heasked,withoutrising。 \"Oh,Idonotmindthedust,andthedancingrestsme。\" Buthedidnotmove。 \"Ifeeltired;IdonotthinkIshalldanceagain,\"hesaid。 Emwithdrewherhand,andayoungfarmercametothedoorandboreheroff。 \"Ihaveoftenimagined,\"remarkedGregory——butLyndallhadrisen。 \"Iamtired,\"shesaid。\"IwonderwhereWaldois;hemusttakemehome。 Thesepeoplewillnotleaveofftillmorning,Isuppose;itisthreealready。\" Shemadeherwaypastthefiddlers,andabenchfulloftireddancers,andpassedoutatthefrontdoor。Onthestoepagroupofmenandboysweresmoking,peepinginatthewindows,andcrackingcoarsejokes。Waldowascertainlynotamongthem,andshemadeherwaytothecartsandwagonsdrawnupatsomedistancefromthehomestead。 \"Waldo,\"shesaid,peeringintoalargecart,\"isthatyou?Iamsodazedwiththetallowcandles,Iseenothing。\" Hehadmadehimselfaplacebetweenthetwoseats。Sheclimbedupandsatontheslopingfloorinfront。 \"IthoughtIshouldfindyouhere,\"shesaid,drawingherskirtupabouthershoulders。\"Youmusttakemehomepresently,butnotnow。\" Sheleanedherheadontheseatneartohis,andtheylistenedinsilencetothefitfultwangingofthefiddlesasthenight—windboreitfromthefarmhouse,andtotheceaselessthudofthedancers,andthepealsofgrosslaughter。Shestretchedoutherlittlehandtofeelforhis。 \"Itissonicetoliehereandhearthatnoise,\"shesaid。\"Iliketofeelthatstrangelifebeatingupagainstme。Iliketorealiseformsoflifeutterlyunlikemine。\"Shedrewalongbreath。\"Whenmyownlifefeelssmall,andIamoppressedwithit,Iliketocrushtogether,andseeitinapicture,inaninstant,amultitudeofdisconnectedunlikephasesofhumanlife——amediaevalmonkwithhisstringofbeadspacingthequietorchard,andlookingupfromthegrassathisfeettotheheavyfruit— trees;littleMalayboysplayingnakedonashiningsea—beach;aHindoophilosopheraloneunderhisbanyantree,thinking,thinking,thinking,sothatinthethoughtofGodhemaylosehimself;atroopofBacchanaliansdressedinwhite,withcrownsofvine—leaves,dancingalongtheRomanstreets;amartyronthenightofhisdeathlookingthroughthenarrowwindowtothesky,andfeelingthatalreadyhehasthewingsthatshallbearhimup\"(shemovedherhanddreamilyoverherface);\"anepicureandiscoursingataRomanbathtoaknotofhisdisciplesonthenatureofhappiness;aKafferwitchdoctorseekingforherbsbymoonlight,whilefromthehutsonthehillsidecomethesoundofdogsbarking,andthevoicesofwomenandchildren;amothergivingbread—and—milktoherchildreninlittlewoodenbasinsandsingingtheeveningsong。Iliketoseeitall;I feelitrunthroughme——thatlifebelongstome;itmakesmylittlelifelarger,itbreaksdownthenarrowwallsthatshutmein。\" Shesighed,anddrewalongbreath。 \"Haveyoumadeanyplans?\"sheaskedhimpresently。 \"Yes,\"hesaid,thewordscominginjets,withpausesbetween;\"Iwilltakethegreymare——Iwilltravelfirst——Iwillseetheworld——thenIwillfindwork。\" \"Whatwork?\" \"Idonotknow。\" Shemadealittleimpatientmovement。 \"Thatisnoplan;travel——seetheworld——findwork!Ifyougointotheworldaimless,withoutadefiniteobject,dreaming——dreaming,youwillbedefinitelydefeated,bamboozled,knockedthiswayandthat。Intheendyouwillstandwithyourbeautifullifeallspent,andnothingtoshow。Theytalkofgenius——itisnothingbutthis,thatamanknowswhathecandobest,anddoesit,andnothingelse。Waldo,\"shesaid,knittingherlittlefingerscloseramonghis,\"IwishIcouldhelpyou;IwishIcouldmakeyouseethatyoumustdecidewhatyouwillbeanddo。Itdoesnotmatterwhatyouchoose——beafarmer,businessman,artist,whatyouwill——butknowyouraim,andliveforthatonething。Wehaveonlyonelife。Thesecretofsuccessisconcentration;wherevertherehasbeenagreatlife,oragreatwork,thathasgonebefore。Tasteeverythingalittle,lookateverythingalittle;butliveforonething。Anythingispossibletoamanwhoknowshisendandmovesstraightforit,andforitalone。IwillshowyouwhatImean,\"shesaid,concisely;\"wordsaregastillyoucondensethemintopictures。\" \"Supposeawoman,young,friendlessasIam,theweakestthingonGod’searth。Butshemustmakeherwaythroughlife。Whatshewouldbeshecannotbebecausesheisawoman;soshelookscarefullyatherselfandtheworldabouther,toseewhereherpathmustbemade。