\"Very,\"saidtheyoungman;\"butit’stheLord’swill。\"
\"Yes,\"saidTantSannie,andsighed。
\"Shewassuchagoodwife,aunt:I’veknownherbreakachurn—stickoveramaid’sheadforonlylettingdustcomeonamilkcloth。\"
TantSanniefeltatwingeofjealousy。Shehadneverbrokenachurn—stickonamaid’shead。
\"Ihopeyourwifemadeagoodend,\"shesaid。
\"Oh,beautiful,aunt:shesaidupapsalmandtwohymnsandahalfbeforeshedied。\"
\"Didsheleaveanymessages?\"askedTantSannie。
\"No,\"saidtheyoungman;\"butthenightbeforeshediedIwaslyingatthefootofherbed;Ifeltherfootkickme。
\"’Piet,’shesaid。
\"’Annie,myheart,’saidI。
\"’Mylittlebabythatdiedyesterdayhasbeenhere,anditstoodoverthewagon—box,’shesaid。
\"’Whatdiditsay?’Iasked。
\"’ItsaidthatifIdiedyoumustmarryafatwoman。’
\"’Iwill,’Isaid,andIwenttosleepagain。Presentlyshewokeme。
\"’Thelittlebabyhasbeenhereagain,anditsaysyoumustmarryawomanoverthirty,andwho’shadtwohusbands。’
\"Ididn’tgotosleepafterthatforalongtime,aunt;butwhenIdidshewokeme。
\"’Thebabyhasbeenhereagain,’shesaid,’anditsaysyoumustn’tmarryawomanwithamole。’ItoldherIwouldn’t;andthenextdayshedied。\"
\"ThatwasavisionfromtheRedeemer,\"saidTantSannie。
Theyoungmannoddedhisheadmournfully。Hethoughtofayoungersisterofhiswife’swhowasnotfat,andwhohadamole,andofwhomhiswifehadalwaysbeenjealous,andhewishedthelittlebabyhadlikedbetterstayinginheaventhancomingandstandingoverthewagon—chest。
\"Isupposethat’swhyyoucametome,\"saidTantSannie。
\"Yes,aunt。AndpasaidIoughttogetmarriedbeforeshearing—time。Itisbadifthere’snoonetoseeafterthingsthen;andthemaidswastesuchalotoffat。\"
\"Whendoyouwanttogetmarried?\"
\"Nextmonth,aunt,\"saidtheyoungmaninatoneofhopelessresignation。
\"MayIkissyou,aunt?\"
\"Fie!fie!\"saidTantSannie,andthengavehimaresoundingkiss。Come,drawyourchairalittlecloser,\"shesaid,andtheirelbowsnowtouching,theysatonthroughthenight。
Thenextmorningatdawn,asEmpassedthroughTantSannie’sbedroom,shefoundtheBoer—womanpullingoffherbootspreparatorytoclimbingintobed。
\"WhereisPietVanderWalt?\"
\"Justgone,\"saidTantSannie;\"andIamgoingtomarryhimthisdayfourweeks。Iamdeadsleepy,\"sheadded;\"thestupidthingdoesn’tknowhowtotalklove—talkatall,\"andsheclimbedintothefour—poster,clothesandall,anddrewthequiltuptoherchin……
OnthedayprecedingTantSannie’swedding,GregoryRosesatintheblazingsunonthestonewallbehindhisdaub—and—wattlehouse。Itwaswarm,buthewasintentlywatchingasmallbuggythatwasbeingrecklesslydrivenoverthebushesinthedirectionofthefarmhouse。Gregoryneverstirredtillithadvanished;then,findingthestoneshot,heslippeddownandwalkedintothehouse。Hekickedthelittlepailthatlayinthedoorway,andsentitintoonecorner;thatdidhimgood。Thenhesatdownonthebox,andbegancuttinglettersoutofapieceofnewspaper。Findingthatthesnippingslitteredthefloor,hepickedthemupandbeganscribblingonhisblotting—paper。HetriedtheeffectofdifferentinitialsbeforethenameRose:G。Rose,E。Rose,L。Rose,Rose,L。L。,L。L。Rose。Whenhehadcoveredthesheet,helookedatitdiscontentedlyalittlewhile,thensuddenlybegantowritealetter:
\"BelovedSister,\"ItisalongwhilesinceIlastwrotetoyou,butIhavehadnotime。
ThisisthefirstmorningIhavebeenathomesinceIdon’tknowwhen。Emalwaysexpectsmetogodowntothefarmhouseinthemorning;butIdidn’tfeelasthoughIcouldstandtheridetoday。
\"Ihavemuchnewsforyou。
\"TantSannie,Em’sBoerstepmother,istobemarriedtomorrow。Sheisgonetotowntoday,andtheweddingfeastistobeatherbrother’sfarm。EmandIaregoingtorideoveronhorseback,buthercousinisgoingtorideinthebuggywiththatGerman。Idon’tthinkI’vewrittentoyousinceshecamebackfromschool。Idon’tthinkyouwouldlikeheratall,Jemima;
there’ssomethingsoproudabouther。Shethinksjustbecauseshe’shandsomethere’snobodygoodenoughtotalktoher,andjustasiftherehadnobodyelsebutherbeentoboarding—schoolbefore。
\"Theyaregoingtohaveagrandaffairtomorrow;alltheBoersaboutarecoming,andtheyaregoingtodanceallnight;butIdon’tthinkIshalldanceatall;for,asEm’scousinsays,theseBoerdancesarelowthings。
IamsureIonlydancedatthelasttopleaseEm。Idon’tknowwhysheisfondofdancing。EmtalkedofourbeingmarriedonthesamedayasTantSannie;butIsaiditwouldbenicerforherifshewaitedtilltheshearingwasover,andItookherdowntoseeyou。Isupposeshewillhavetolivewithus(Em’scousin,Imean),asshehasnotanythingintheworldbutapoorfiftypounds。Idon’tlikeheratall,Jemima,andIdon’tthinkyouwould。She’sgotsuchqueerways;she’salwaysdrivingaboutinagigwiththatlowGerman;andIdon’tthinkit’satallthethingforawomantobegoingaboutwithamanshe’snotengagedto。Doyou?Ifitwasmenow,ofcourse,whoamakindofconnection,itwouldbedifferent。
Thewayshetreatsme,consideringthatIamsosoontobehercousin,isnotatallnice。Itookdownmyalbumtheotherdaywithyourlikenessesinit,andItoldhershecouldlookatit,andputitdownclosetoher;
butshejustsaid,Thankyou,andnevereventouchedit,asmuchastosay—
—Whatareyourrelationstome?
\"Shegetsthewildesthorsesinthatbuggy,andahorridsnappishlittlecurbelongingtotheGermansittinginfront,andthenshedrivesoutalone。Idon’tthinkit’satallproperforawomantodriveoutalone;I
wouldn’tallowitifshewasmysister。Theothermorning,Idon’tknowhowithappened,Iwasgoinginthewayfromwhichshewascoming,andthatlittlebeast——theycallhimDoss——begantobarkwhenhesawme——healwaysdoes,thelittlewretch——andthehorsesbegantospring,andkickedthesplashboardalltopieces。ItwasasighttoseeJemima!ShehasgotthelittlesthandsIeversaw——Icouldholdthembothinoneofmine,andnotknowthatI’dgotanythingexceptthattheyweresosoft;butsheheldthosehorsesinasthoughtheyweremadeofiron。WhenIwantedtohelphershesaid,’Nothankyou:Icanmanagethemmyself。I’vegotapairofbitsthatwouldbreaktheirjawsifIusedthemwell,’andshelaughedanddroveaway。It’ssounwomanly。
\"Tellfathermyhireofthegroundwillnotbeoutforsixmonths,andbeforethatEmandIwillbemarried。Mypairofbirdsisbreedingnow,butIhaven’tbeendowntoseethemforthreedays。Idon’tseemtocareaboutanythinganymore。Idon’tknowwhatitis;I’mnotwell。IfIgointotownonSaturdayIwillletthedoctorexamineme;butperhapsshe’llgoinherself。It’saverystrangething,Jemima,butsheneverwillsendherletterstopostbyme。IfIaskhershehasnone,andtheverynextdayshegoesinandpoststhemherself。Youmustn’tsayanythingaboutit,Jemima,buttwiceI’vebroughtherlettersfromthepostinagentleman’shand,andI’msuretheywerebothfromthesameperson,becauseInoticedeverylittlemark,eventhedottingofthei’s。
\"Ofcourseit’snothingtome;butforEm’ssakeIcan’thelpfeelinganinterestinher,howevermuchImaydislikehermyself;andIhopeshe’suptonothing。Ipitythemanwhomarriesher;Iwouldn’tbehimforanything。IfIhadawifewithprideI’dmakehergiveitup,sharp。I
don’tbelieveinamanwhocan’tmakeawomanobeyhim。NowEm——I’mveryfondofher,asyouknow——butifItellhertoputonacertaindress,thatdresssheputson;andifItellhertositonacertainseat,onthatseatshesits;andifItellhernottospeaktoacertainindividual,shedoesnotspeaktothem。Ifamanletsawomandowhathedoesn’tlikehe’samuff。
\"Givemylovetomotherandthechildren。Theveldhereislookingprettygood,andthesheeparebettersincewewashedthem。Tellfatherthedipherecommendedisverygood。
\"Emsendsherlovetoyou。Sheismakingmesomewoollenshirts;buttheydon’tfitmesonicelyasthosemothermademe。
\"Writesoonto\"Yourlovingbrother,Gregory。
\"P。S。——Shedrovepastjustnow;Iwassittingonthekraalwallrightbeforehereyes,andsheneverevenbowed。G。N。R。\"
Chapter2。VI。ABoer—wedding。
\"Ididn’tknowbeforeyouweresofondofridinghard,\"saidGregorytohislittlebetrothed。
TheywerecanteringslowlyontheroadtoOomMuller’sonthemorningofthewedding。
\"Doyoucallthisridinghard?\"askedEminsomeastonishment。
\"OfcourseIdo!It’senoughtobreakthehorses’necks,andknockoneupforthewholedaybesides,\"headdedtestily;thentwistedhisheadtolookatthebuggythatcameonbehind。\"IthoughtWaldowassuchamaddriver;
theyaretakingiteasilyenoughtoday,\"saidGregory。\"Onewouldthinktheblackstallionswerelame。\"
\"Isupposetheywanttokeepoutofourdust,\"saidEm。\"See,theystandstillassoonaswedo。\"
Perceivingthistobethecase,Gregoryrodeon。
\"It’sallthathorseofyours:shekicksupsuchaconfoundeddust,I
can’tstanditmyself,\"hesaid。
Meanwhilethecartcameonslowlyenough。
\"Takethereins,\"saidLyndall,and\"andmakethemwalk。Iwanttorestandwatchtheirhoofstoday——nottobeexhilarated;Iamsotired。\"
Sheleanedbackinhercorner,andWaldodroveonslowlyinthegreydawnlightalongthelevelroad。Theypassedtheverymilk—bushbehindwhichsomanyyearsbeforetheoldGermanhadfoundtheKafferwoman。Buttheirthoughtswerenotwithhimthatmorning:theywerethethoughtsoftheyoung,thatrunouttomeetthefuture,andlabourinthepresent。Atlasthetouchedherarm。
\"Whatisit?\"
\"Ifearedyouhadgonetosleepandmightbejoltedout,\"hesaid;\"yousatsoquietly。\"
\"No;donottalktome;Iamnotasleep;\"butafteratimeshesaidsuddenly:\"Itmustbeaterriblethingtobringahumanbeingintotheworld。\"
Waldolookedround;shesatdrawnintothecorner,herbluecloudwoundtightlyabouther,andshestillwatchedthehorses’feet。Havingnocommenttoofferonhersomewhatunexpectedremark,hemerelytoucheduphishorses。
\"Ihavenoconscience,none,\"sheadded;\"butIwouldnotliketobringasoulintothisworld。Whenitsinnedandwhenitsufferedsomethinglikeadeadhandwouldfallonme——’Youdidit,you,foryourownpleasureyoucreatedthisthing!Seeyourwork!’Ifitlivedtobeeightyitwouldalwayshanglikeamillstoneroundmyneck,havetherighttodemandgoodfromme,andcursemeforitssorrow。AparentisonlyliketoGod——ifhisworkturnsoutbad,somuchtheworseforhim;hedarenotwashhishandsofit。Timeandyearscanneverbringthedaywhenyoucansaytoyourchild:’Soul,whathaveItodowithyou?’\"
Waldosaiddreamingly:
\"Itisamarvellousthingthatonesoulshouldhavepowertocauseanother。\"
Sheheardthewordsassheheardthebeatingofthehorses’hoofs;herthoughtsranonintheirownline。
\"Theysay,’Godsendsthelittlebabies。’Ofallthedastardlyrevoltingliesmentelltosuitthemselves,Ihatethatmost。Isupposemyfathersaidsowhenheknewhewasdyingofconsumption,andmymotherwhensheknewshehadnothingtosupportmeon,andtheycreatedmetofeedlikeadogfromstrangerhands。MendonotsayGodsendsthebooks,orthenewspaperarticles,orthemachinestheymake;andthensigh,andshrugtheirshouldersandsaytheycan’thelpit。Whydotheysaysoaboutotherthings?Liars!’Godsendsthelittlebabies!’\"Shestruckherfootfretfullyagainstthesplashboard。\"Thesmallchildrensaysoearnestly。
TheytouchthelittlestrangerreverentlywhohasjustcomefromGod’sfarcountry,andtheypeepabouttheroomtoseeifnotonewhitefeatherhasdroppedfromthewingoftheangelthatbroughthim。Ontheirlipsthephrasemeansmuch;onallothersitisadeliberatelie。Noticeable,too,\"
shesaid,droppinginaninstantfromthepassionateintoalow,mockingtone,\"whenpeoplearemarried,thoughtheyshouldhavesixtychildren,theythrowthewholeonusonGod。Whentheyarenot,wehearnothingaboutGod’shavingsentthem。Whentherehasbeennolegalcontractbetweentheparents,whosendsthelittlechildrenthen?Thedevilperhaps!\"Shelaughedherlittlesilvery,mockinglaugh。\"Oddthatsomemenshouldcomefromhellandsomefromheaven,andyetalllooksomuchalikewhentheygethere。\"
Waldowonderedather。Hehadnotthekeytoherthoughts,anddidnotseethestringonwhichtheywerestrung。Shedrewhercloudtighterabouther。
\"Itmustbeverynicetobelieveinthedevil,\"shesaid;\"IwishIdid。
IfitwouldbeofanyuseIwouldpraythreehoursnightandmorningonmybareknees,’God,letmebelieveinSatan。’Heissousefultothosepeoplewhodo。Theymaybeasselfishandassensualastheyplease,and,betweenGod’swillandthedevil’saction,alwayshavesomeonetothrowtheirsinon。Butwe,wretchedunbelievers,webearourownburdens:wemustsay,’Imyselfdidit,I。NotGod,notSatan;Imyself!’Thatisthestingthatstrikesdeep。Waldo,\"shesaidgently,withasuddenandcompletechangeofmanner,\"Ilikeyousomuch,Iloveyou。\"Sherestedhercheeksoftlyagainsthisshoulder。\"WhenIamwithyouIneverknowthatIamawomanandyouareaman;Ionlyknowthatweareboththingsthatthink。OthermenwhenIamwiththem,whetherIlovethemornot,theyaremerebodiestome;butyouareaspirit;Ilikeyou。Look,\"shesaidquickly,sinkingbackintohercorner,\"whataprettypinknessthereisonallthehilltops!Thesunwillriseinamoment。\"
Waldoliftedhiseyestolookroundoverthecircleofgoldenhills;andthehorses,asthefirstsunbeamstouchedthem,shooktheirheadsandchampedtheirbrightbits,tillthebrasssettingsintheirharnessglitteredagain。
Itwaseighto’clockwhentheynearedthefarmhouse:ared—brickbuilding,withkraalstotherightandasmallorchardtotheleft。Alreadythereweresignsofunusuallifeandbustle:onecart,awagon,andacoupleofsaddlesagainstthewallbetokenedthearrivalofafewearlyguests,whosenumberswouldsoonbelargelyincreased。ToaDutchcountryweddingguestsstartupinnumbersastonishingtoonewhohasmerelyriddenthroughtheplainsofsparsely—inhabitedkaroo。
Asthemorningadvances,ridersonmanyshadesofsteedsappearfromalldirections,andaddtheirsaddlestothelongrowsagainstthewalls,shakehands,drinkcoffee,andstandaboutoutsideingroupstowatchthearrivingcartsandox—wagons,astheyareunburdenedoftheirheavyfreightofmassiveTantesandcomelydaughters,followedbyswarmsofchildrenofallsizes,dressedinallmannerofprintandmoleskin,whoaretakencareofbyHottentot,Kaffer,andhalf—castenurses,whosemany—shadedcomplexions,rangingfromlightyellowuptoebonyblack,addvarietytotheanimatedscene。
Everywhereisexcitementandbustle,whichgraduallyincreasesasthetimeforthereturnofthewedding—partyapproaches。Preparationsforthefeastareactivelyadvancinginthekitchen;coffeeisliberallyhandedround,andamidaprofoundsensation,andthefiringofguns,thehorse—wagondrawsup,andthewedding—partyalight。Brideandbridegroom,withtheirattendants,marchsolemnlytothemarriage—chamber,wherebedandboxaredeckedoutinwhite,withendsofribbonandartificialflowers,andwhereonarowofchairsthepartysolemnlyseatthemselves。Afteratimebridesmaidandbestmanrise,andconductinwithceremonyeachindividualguest,towishsuccessandtokissbrideandbridegroom。
Thenthefeastissetonthetable,anditisalmostsunsetbeforethedishesareclearedaway,andthepleasureofthedaybegins。Everythingisremovedfromthegreatfrontroom,andthemudfloor,wellrubbedwithbullock’sblood,glistenslikepolishedmahogany。Thefemaleportionoftheassemblyflockintotheside—roomstoattirethemselvesfortheevening;andre—issuecladinwhitemuslin,andgaywithbrightribbonsandbrassjewelry。Thedancingbeginsasthefirsttallowcandlesarestuckupaboutthewalls,themusiccomingfromacoupleoffiddlersinacorneroftheroom。Brideandbridegroomopentheball,andthefloorissooncoveredwithwhirlingcouples,andeveryone’sspiritsrise。Thebridalpairminglefreelyinthethrong,andhereandthereamusicalmansingsvigorouslyashedragshispartnerthroughtheBlueWaterorJohnSperiwig;
boysshoutandapplaud,andtheenjoymentandconfusionareintense,tilleleveno’clockcomes。Bythistimethechildrenwhoswarmintheside—
roomsarenottobekeptquietlonger,evenbyhunchesofbreadandcake;
thereisageneralhowlandwail,thatrisesyethigherthanthescrapingoffiddles,andmothersrushfromtheirpartnerstoknocksmallheadstogether,andcufflittlenursemaids,andforcethewailersdownintounoccupiedcornersofbeds,undertablesandbehindboxes。Inhalfanhoureveryvarietyofchildishsnoreisheardonallsides,andithasbecomeperiloustoraiseorsetdownafootinanyoftheside—roomslestasmallheadorhandshouldbecrushed。
Nowtoothebusyfeethavebrokenthesolidcoatingofthefloor,andacloudoffinedustarises,thatmakesayellowhaloroundthecandles,andsetsasthmaticpeoplecoughing,andgrowsdenser,tilltorecogniseanyoneontheoppositesideoftheroombecomesimpossible,andapartner’sfaceisseenthroughayellowmist。
Attwelveo’clockthebrideisledtothemarriage—chamberandundressed;
thelightsareblownout,andthebridegroomisbroughttothedoorbythebestman,whogiveshimthekey;thenthedoorisshutandlocked,andtherevelsrisehigherthanever。Thereisnothoughtofsleeptillmorning,andnounoccupiedspotwheresleepmaybefound。
ItwasatthisstageoftheproceedingsonthenightofTantSannie’sweddingthatLyndallsatnearthedoorwayinoneoftheside—rooms,towatchthedancersastheyappearedanddisappearedintheyellowcloudofdust。Gregorysatmoodilyinacornerofthelargedancing—room。Hislittlebetrothedtouchedhisarm。
\"IwishyouwouldgoandaskLyndalltodancewithyou,\"shesaid;\"shemustbesotired;shehassatstillthewholeevening。\"
\"Ihaveaskedherthreetimes,\"repliedherlovershortly。\"I’mnotgoingtobeherdog,andcreeptoherfeet,justtogiveherthepleasureofkickingme——notforyou,Em,norforanybodyelse。\"
\"Oh,Ididn’tknowyouhadaskedher,Greg,\"saidhislittlebetrothed,humbly;andshewentawaytopouroutcoffee。
Nevertheless,sometimeafterGregoryfoundhehadshiftedsofarroundtheroomastobeclosetothedoorwhereLyndallsat。Afterstandingforsometimeheinquiredwhetherhemightnotbringheracupofcoffee。
Shedeclined;butstillhestoodon(whyshouldhenotstandthereaswellasanywhereelse?),andthenhesteppedintothebedroom。
\"MayInotbringyouastove,MissLyndall,toputyourfeeton?\"
\"Thankyou。\"
Hesoughtforone,andputitunderherfeet。
\"Thereisadraughtfromthatbrokenwindow:shallIstuffsomethinginthepane?\"
\"No,wewantair。\"
Gregorylookedround,butnothingelsesuggestingitself,hesatdownonaboxontheoppositesideofthedoor。Lyndallsatbeforehim,herchinrestinginherhand;hereyes,steel—greybyday,butblackbynight,lookedthroughthedoorwayintothenextroom。Afteratimehethoughtshehadentirelyforgottenhisproximity,andhedaredtoinspectthelittlehandsandneckasheneverdaredwhenhewasinmomentarydreadoftheeyesbeingturneduponhim。
Shewasdressedinblack,whichseemedtotakeheryetfurtherfromthewhite—clad,gewgawedwomenabouther;andthelittlehandswerewhite,andthediamondringglittered。Wherehadshegotthatring?Hebentforwardalittleandtriedtodeciphertheletters,butthecandle—lightwastoofaint。Whenhelookeduphereyeswerefixedonhim。Shewaslookingathim——not,Gregoryfelt,asshehadeverlookedathimbefore;notasthoughhewereastumporastonethatchancehadthrowninherway。Tonight,whetheritwerecritically,orkindly,orunkindly,hecouldnottell,butshelookedathim,attheman,GregoryRose,withattention。Avagueelationfilledhim。Heclinchedhisfisttighttothinkofsomegoodideahemightexpresstoher;butofallthoseprofoundthingshehadpicturedhimselfassayingtoher,whenhesataloneinthedaub—and—wattlehouse,notonecame。Hesaid,atlast:
\"TheseBoerdancesareverylowthings;\"andthen,assoonasithadgonefromhim,hethoughtitwasnotacleverremark,andwisheditback。
BeforeLyndallrepliedEmlookedinatthedoor。
\"Oh,come,\"shesaid;\"theyaregoingtohavethecushion—dance。Idonotwanttokissanyofthesefellows。Takemequickly。\"
SheslippedherhandintoGregory’sarm。
\"Itissodusty,Em;doyoucaretodanceanymore?\"heasked,withoutrising。
\"Oh,Idonotmindthedust,andthedancingrestsme。\"
Buthedidnotmove。
\"Ifeeltired;IdonotthinkIshalldanceagain,\"hesaid。
Emwithdrewherhand,andayoungfarmercametothedoorandboreheroff。
\"Ihaveoftenimagined,\"remarkedGregory——butLyndallhadrisen。
\"Iamtired,\"shesaid。\"IwonderwhereWaldois;hemusttakemehome。
Thesepeoplewillnotleaveofftillmorning,Isuppose;itisthreealready。\"
Shemadeherwaypastthefiddlers,andabenchfulloftireddancers,andpassedoutatthefrontdoor。Onthestoepagroupofmenandboysweresmoking,peepinginatthewindows,andcrackingcoarsejokes。Waldowascertainlynotamongthem,andshemadeherwaytothecartsandwagonsdrawnupatsomedistancefromthehomestead。
\"Waldo,\"shesaid,peeringintoalargecart,\"isthatyou?Iamsodazedwiththetallowcandles,Iseenothing。\"
Hehadmadehimselfaplacebetweenthetwoseats。Sheclimbedupandsatontheslopingfloorinfront。
\"IthoughtIshouldfindyouhere,\"shesaid,drawingherskirtupabouthershoulders。\"Youmusttakemehomepresently,butnotnow。\"
Sheleanedherheadontheseatneartohis,andtheylistenedinsilencetothefitfultwangingofthefiddlesasthenight—windboreitfromthefarmhouse,andtotheceaselessthudofthedancers,andthepealsofgrosslaughter。Shestretchedoutherlittlehandtofeelforhis。
\"Itissonicetoliehereandhearthatnoise,\"shesaid。\"Iliketofeelthatstrangelifebeatingupagainstme。Iliketorealiseformsoflifeutterlyunlikemine。\"Shedrewalongbreath。\"Whenmyownlifefeelssmall,andIamoppressedwithit,Iliketocrushtogether,andseeitinapicture,inaninstant,amultitudeofdisconnectedunlikephasesofhumanlife——amediaevalmonkwithhisstringofbeadspacingthequietorchard,andlookingupfromthegrassathisfeettotheheavyfruit—
trees;littleMalayboysplayingnakedonashiningsea—beach;aHindoophilosopheraloneunderhisbanyantree,thinking,thinking,thinking,sothatinthethoughtofGodhemaylosehimself;atroopofBacchanaliansdressedinwhite,withcrownsofvine—leaves,dancingalongtheRomanstreets;amartyronthenightofhisdeathlookingthroughthenarrowwindowtothesky,andfeelingthatalreadyhehasthewingsthatshallbearhimup\"(shemovedherhanddreamilyoverherface);\"anepicureandiscoursingataRomanbathtoaknotofhisdisciplesonthenatureofhappiness;aKafferwitchdoctorseekingforherbsbymoonlight,whilefromthehutsonthehillsidecomethesoundofdogsbarking,andthevoicesofwomenandchildren;amothergivingbread—and—milktoherchildreninlittlewoodenbasinsandsingingtheeveningsong。Iliketoseeitall;I
feelitrunthroughme——thatlifebelongstome;itmakesmylittlelifelarger,itbreaksdownthenarrowwallsthatshutmein。\"
Shesighed,anddrewalongbreath。
\"Haveyoumadeanyplans?\"sheaskedhimpresently。
\"Yes,\"hesaid,thewordscominginjets,withpausesbetween;\"Iwilltakethegreymare——Iwilltravelfirst——Iwillseetheworld——thenIwillfindwork。\"
\"Whatwork?\"
\"Idonotknow。\"
Shemadealittleimpatientmovement。
\"Thatisnoplan;travel——seetheworld——findwork!Ifyougointotheworldaimless,withoutadefiniteobject,dreaming——dreaming,youwillbedefinitelydefeated,bamboozled,knockedthiswayandthat。Intheendyouwillstandwithyourbeautifullifeallspent,andnothingtoshow。Theytalkofgenius——itisnothingbutthis,thatamanknowswhathecandobest,anddoesit,andnothingelse。Waldo,\"shesaid,knittingherlittlefingerscloseramonghis,\"IwishIcouldhelpyou;IwishIcouldmakeyouseethatyoumustdecidewhatyouwillbeanddo。Itdoesnotmatterwhatyouchoose——beafarmer,businessman,artist,whatyouwill——butknowyouraim,andliveforthatonething。Wehaveonlyonelife。Thesecretofsuccessisconcentration;wherevertherehasbeenagreatlife,oragreatwork,thathasgonebefore。Tasteeverythingalittle,lookateverythingalittle;butliveforonething。Anythingispossibletoamanwhoknowshisendandmovesstraightforit,andforitalone。IwillshowyouwhatImean,\"shesaid,concisely;\"wordsaregastillyoucondensethemintopictures。\"
\"Supposeawoman,young,friendlessasIam,theweakestthingonGod’searth。Butshemustmakeherwaythroughlife。Whatshewouldbeshecannotbebecausesheisawoman;soshelookscarefullyatherselfandtheworldabouther,toseewhereherpathmustbemade。