第17章

类别:其他 作者:Swinburne, Algernon Charles字数:9574更新时间:19/01/07 15:14:13
Gregoryfelthemustsustaintheconversation。Theonlythinghecouldthinkofwastoreciteapieceofpoetry。Heknewhehadlearntmanyaboutlove;buttheonlythingthatwouldcomeintohismindnowwasthe\"BattleofHohenlinden,\"and\"Notadrumwasheard,\"neitherofwhichseemedtobeardirectlyonthesubjectonhand。 ButunexpectedreliefcametohimfromDoss,who,toodeeplylostincontemplationofhiscrevice,wassurprisedbythesuddendescentofthestoneLyndall’sfoothadloosened,which,rollingagainsthislittlefrontpaw,carriedawayapieceofwhite—skin。Dossstoodonthreelegs,holdingupthepawwithanexpressionofextremeself—commiseration;hethenproceededtohopslowlyupwardinsearchofsympathy。 \"Youhavehurtthatdog,\"saidGregory。 \"HaveI?\"sherepliedindifferently,andre—openedthebook,asthoughtoresumeherstudyoftheplay。 \"He’sanasty,snappishlittlecur!\"saidGregory,calculatingfromhermannerthattheremarkwouldbeendorsed。\"Hesnappedatmyhorse’stailyesterday,andnearlymadeitthrowme。Iwonderhismasterdidn’ttakehim,insteadofleavinghimheretobeanuisancetoallofus!\" Lyndallseemedabsorbedinherplay;butheventuredanotherremark。 \"Doyouthinknow,MissLyndall,thathe’lleverhaveanythingintheworld——thatGerman。Imean——moneyenoughtosupportawifeon,andallthatsortofthing?Idon’t。He’swhatIcallsoft。\" Shewasspreadingherskirtoutsoftlywithherlefthandforthedogtoliedownonit。 \"IthinkIshouldberatherastonishedifheeverbecamearespectablememberofsociety,\"shesaid。Idon’texpecttoseehimthepossessorofbank—shares,thechairmanofadivisionalcouncil,andthefatherofalargefamily;wearingablackhat,andgoingtochurchtwiceonaSunday。 Hewouldratherastonishmeifhecametosuchanend。\" \"Yes;Idon’texpectanythingofhimeither,\"saidGregory,zealously。 \"Well,Idon’tknow,\"saidLyndall;\"therearesomesmallthingsIratherlooktohimfor。Ifheweretoinventwings,orcarveastatuethatonemightlookatforhalfanhourwithoutwantingtolookatsomethingelse,I shouldnotbesurprised。Hemaydosomelittlethingofthatkindperhaps,whenhehasdonefermentingandthesedimenthasallgonetothebottom。\" Gregoryfeltthatwhatshesaidwasnotwhollyintendedasblame。 \"Well,Idon’tknow,\"hesaidsulkily;\"tomehelookslikeafool。Towalkaboutalwaysinthatdead—and—alivesortofway,mutteringtohimselflikeanoldKafferwitchdoctor!Heworkshardenough,butit’salwaysasthoughhedidn’tknowwhathewasdoing。Youdon’tknowhowhelookstoapersonwhoseeshimforthefirsttime。\" Lyndallwassoftlytouchingthelittlesorefootassheread,andDoss,toshowhelikedit,lickedherhand。 \"But,MissLyndall,\"persistedGregory,\"whatdoyoureallythinkofhim?\" \"Ithink,\"saidLyndall,\"thatheislikeathorn—tree,whichgrowsupveryquietly,withoutanyone’scaringforit,andonedaysuddenlybreaksoutintoyellowblossoms。\" \"AndwhatdoyouthinkIamlike?\"askedGregory,hopefully。 Lyndalllookedupfromherbook。 \"Likealittletinduckfloatingonadishofwater,thatcomesafterapieceofbreadstuckonaneedle,andthemoretheneedlepricksitthemoreitcomeson。\" \"Oh,youaremakingfunofmenow,youreallyare!\"saidGregoryfeelingwretched。\"Youaremakingfun,aren’tyou,now?\" \"Partly。Itisalwaysdivertingtomakecomparisons。\" \"Yes;butyoudon’tcomparemetoanythingnice,andyoudootherpeople。 WhatisEmlike,now?\" \"Theaccompanimentofasong。Shefillsupthegapsinotherpeople’slives,andisalwaysnumbertwo;butIthinksheislikemanyaccompaniments——agreatdealbetterthanthesongsheistoaccompany。\" \"Sheisnothalfsogoodasyouare!\"saidGregory,withaburstofuncontrollableardour。 \"SheissomuchbetterthanI,thatherlittlefingerhasmoregoodnessinitthanmywholebody。Ihopeyoumaynotlivetofindoutthetruthofthatfact。\" \"Youarelikeanangel,\"hesaid,thebloodrushingtohisheadandface。 \"Yes,probably;angelsareofmanyorders。\" \"YouaretheonebeingthatIlove!\"saidGregoryquivering。\"IthoughtI lovedbefore,butIknownow!Donotbeangrywithme。Iknowyoucouldneverlikeme;but,ifImightbutalwaysbenearyoutoserveyou,Iwouldbeutterly,utterlyhappy。Iwouldasknothinginreturn!IfyoucouldonlytakeeverythingIhaveanduseit;Iwantnothingbuttobeofusetoyou。\" Shelookedathimforafewmoments。 \"Howdoyouknow,\"shesaidslowly,\"thatyoucouldnotdosomethingtoserveme?Youcouldservemebygivingmeyourname。\" Hestarted,andturnedhisburningfacetoher。 \"Youareverycruel;youareridiculingme,\"hesaid。 \"No,Iamnot,Gregory。WhatIamsayingisplain,matter—of—factbusiness。Ifyouarewillingtogivemeyournamewithinthreeweeks’ time,Iamwillingtomarryyou,ifnot,well。Iwantnothingmorethanyourname。Thatisaclearproposal,isitnot?\" Helookedup。Wasitcontempt,loathing,pity,thatmovedintheeyesabove!Hecouldnottell;buthestoopedoverthelittlefootandkissedit。 Shesmiled。 \"Doyoureallymeanit?\"hewhispered。 \"Yes。Youwishtoserveme,andtohavenothinginreturn!——youshallhavewhatyouwish。\"SheheldoutherfingersforDosstolick。\"Doyouseethisdog?HelicksmyhandbecauseIlovehim;andIallowhimto。WhereIdonotloveIdonotallowit。Ibelieveyouloveme;Itoocouldloveso,thattolieunderthefootofthethingIlovedwouldbemoreheaventhantolieinthebreastofanother。Come!letusgo。Carrythedog,\" sheadded;\"hewillnotbiteyouifIputhiminyourarms。So——donotlethisfoothangdown。\" Theydescendedthekopje。Atthebottom,hewhispered: \"Wouldyounottakemyarm?thepathisveryrough。\" Sherestedherfingerslightlyonit。 \"Imayyetchangemymindaboutmarryingyoubeforethetimecomes。Itisverylikely。Markyou!\"shesaid,turningroundonhim;\"Irememberyourwords:Youwillgiveeverything,andexpectnothing。Theknowledgethatyouareservingmeistobeyourreward;andyouwillhavethat。Youwillserveme,andgreatly。ThereasonsIhaveformarryingyouIneednotinformyouofnow;youwillprobablydiscoversomeofthembeforelong。\" \"Ionlywanttobeofsomeusetoyou,\"hesaid。 ItseemedtoGregorythattherewerepulsesinthesolesofhisfeet,andthegroundshimmeredasonasummer’sday。TheywalkedroundthefootofthekopjeandpasttheKafferhuts。AnoldKaffermaidkneltatthedoorofonegrindingmealies。Thatsheshouldseehimwalkingsomadehisheartbeatsofast,thatthehandonhisarmfeltitspulsation。Itseemedthatshemustenvyhim。 JustthenEmlookedoutagainatthebackwindowandsawthemcoming。Shecriedbitterlyallthewhileshesortedtheskins。 ButthatnightwhenLyndallhadblownhercandleout,andhalfturnedroundtosleep,thedoorofEm’sbedroomopened。 \"Iwanttosaygoodnighttoyou,Lyndall,\"shesaid,comingtothebedsideandkneelingdown。 \"Ithoughtyouwereasleep,\"Lyndallreplied。 \"Yes,Ihavebeenasleep;butIhadsuchavividdream,\"shesaid,holdingtheother’shands,\"andthatwokeme。Ineverhadsovividadreambefore。 \"ItseemedIwasalittlegirlagain,andIcamesomewhereintoalargeroom。Onabedinthecornertherewassomethinglyingdressedinwhite,anditslittleeyeswereshut,anditslittlefacewaslikewax。Ithoughtitwasadoll,andIranforwardtotakeit;butsomeoneheldupherfingerandsaid:’Hush!itisalittledeadbaby。’AndIsaid:’Oh,I mustgoandcallLyndall,thatshemaylookatitalso。’ \"Andtheyputtheirfacesclosedowntomyearandwhispered:’ItisLyndall’sbaby。’ \"AndIsaid:’Shecannotbegrownupyet;sheisonlyalittlegirl! Whereisshe?’AndIwenttolookforyou,butIcouldnotfindyou。 \"AndwhenIcametosomepeoplewhoweredressedinblack,Iaskedthemwhereyouwere,andtheylookeddownattheirblackclothes,andshooktheirheads,andsaidnothing;andIcouldnotfindyouanywhere。AndthenIawoke。 \"Lyndall,\"shesaid,puttingherfacedownuponthehandssheheld,\"itmademethinkaboutthattimewhenwewerelittlegirlsandusedtoplaytogether,whenIlovedyoubetterthananythingelseintheworld。Itisn’tanyone’sfaultthattheyloveyou;theycan’thelpit。Anditisn’tyourfault;youdon’tmakethemloveyou。Iknowit。\" \"Thankyou,dear,\"Lyndallsaid。\"Itisnicetobeloved,butitwouldbebettertobegood。\" Thentheywishedgoodnight,andEmwentbacktoherroom。LongafterLyndalllayinthedarkthinking,thinking,thinking;andassheturnedroundwearilytosleepshemuttered: \"Therearesomewiserintheirsleepingthanintheirwaking。\" Chapter2。IX。Lyndall’sStranger。 Afireisburningintheunusedhearthofthecabin。Thefuelblazesup,andlightstheblackrafters,andwarmsthefadedredlionsonthequilt,andfillsthelittleroomwithaglowofwarmthandlightmadebrighterbycontrast,foroutsidethenightischillandmisty。 Beforetheopenfireplacesitsastranger,histall,slightfigurereposinginthebrokenarmchair,hiskeenblueeyesstudyingthefirefrombeneathdelicatelypencilled,droopingeyelids。Onewhitehandplaysthoughtfullywithaheavyflaxenmoustache;yet,oncehestarts,andforaninstantthelanguidlidsraisethemselves;thereisakeen,intentlookuponthefaceashelistensforsomething。Thenheleansbackinhischair,fillshisglassfromthesilverflaskinhisbag,andresumeshisoldposture。 Presentlythedooropensnoiselessly。ItisLyndall,followedbyDoss。 Quietlyassheenters,hehearsher,andturns。 \"Ithoughtyouwerenotcoming。\" \"Iwaitedtillallhadgonetobed。Icouldnotcomebefore。\" Sheremovedtheshawlthatenvelopedher,andthestrangerrosetoofferherhischair;butshetookherseatonalowpileofsacksbeforethewindow。 \"IhardlyseewhyIshouldbeoutlawedafterthisfashion,\"hesaid,reseatinghimselfanddrawinghischairalittlenearertoher;\"thesearehardlythequartersoneexpectstofindaftertravellingahundredmilesinanswertoaninvitation。\" \"Isaid,’Comeifyouwish。’\" \"AndIdidwish。Yougivemeacoldreception。\" \"Icouldnottakeyoutothehouse。QuestionswouldbeaskedwhichIcouldnotanswerwithoutprevarication。\" \"Yourconscienceisgrowingtohaveacertainvirgintenderness,\"hesaid,inalow,melodiousvoice。 \"Ihavenoconscience。Ispokeonedeliberateliethisevening。Isaidthemanwhohadcomelookedrough,wehadbestnothavehiminthehouse; thereforeIbroughthimhere。Itwasadeliberatelie,andIhatelies。I tellthemifImust,buttheyhurtme。\" \"Well,youdonottellliestoyourself,atallevents。Youarecandid,sofar。\" Sheinterruptedhim。 \"Yougotmyshortletter?\" \"Yes;thatiswhyIcome。Yousentaveryfoolishreply;youmusttakeitback。Whoisthisfellowyoutalkofmarrying?\" \"Ayoungfarmer。\" \"Liveshere?\" \"Yes;hehasgonetotowntogetthingsforourwedding。\" \"Whatkindofafellowishe?\" \"Afool。\" \"Andyouwouldrathermarryhimthanme?\" \"Yes;becauseyouarenotone。\" \"Thatisanovelreasonforrefusingtomarryaman,\"hesaid,leaninghiselbowonthetableandwatchingherkeenly。 \"Itisawiseone,\"shesaidshortly。\"IfImarryhimIshallshakehimoffmyhandwhenitsuitsme。IfIremainedwithhimfortwelvemonthshewouldneverhavedaredtokissmyhand。AsfarasIwishheshouldcome,hecomes,andnofurther。Wouldyouaskmewhatyoumightandwhatyoumightnotdo?\" Hercompanionraisedthemoustachewithacaressingmovementfromhislipandsmiled。Itwasnotaquestionthatstoodinneedofanyanswer。 \"Whydoyouwishtoenteronthissemblanceofmarriage?\" \"BecausethereisonlyonepointonwhichIhaveaconscience。Ihavetoldyouso。\" \"Thenwhynotmarryme?\" \"Becauseifonceyouhavemeyouwouldholdmefast。Ishallneverbefreeagain。\"Shedrewalong,lowbreath。 \"WhathaveyoudonewiththeringIgaveyou?\"hesaid。 \"SometimesIwearit;thenItakeitoffandwishtothrowitintothefire;thenextdayIputitonagain,andsometimesIkissit。\" \"Soyoudolovemealittle?\" \"Ifyouwerenotsomethingmoretomethananyothermanintheworld,doyouthink——\"Shepaused。\"IloveyouwhenIseeyou;butwhenyouareawayfrommeIhateyou。\" \"ThenIfearImustbesingularlyinvisibleatthepresentmoment,\"hesaid。Possiblyifyouweretolooklessfixedlyintothefireyoumightperceiveme。\" Hemovedhischairslightly,soastocomebetweenherandthefirelight。 Sheraisedhereyestohisface。 \"Ifyoudoloveme,\"heaskedher,\"whywillyounotmarryme?\" \"Because,ifIhadbeenmarriedtoyouforayearIshouldhavecometomysensesandseenthatyourhandsandyourvoicearelikethehandsandthevoiceofanyotherman。Icannotquiteseethatnow。Butitisallmadness。Youcallintoactivityonepartofmynature;thereisahigherpartthatyouknownothingof,thatyounevertouch。IfImarriedyou,afterwarditwouldariseandassertitself,andIshouldhateyoualways,asIdonowsometimes。\" \"Ilikeyouwhenyougrowmetaphysicalandanalytical,\"hesaid,leaninghisfaceuponhishand。\"Goalittlefurtherinyouranalysis;say,’I loveyouwiththerightventricleofmyheart,butnottheleft,andwiththeleftauricleofmyheart,butnottheright;and,thisbeingthecase,myaffectionforyouisnotofadulyelevated,intellectualandspiritualnature。’Ilikeyouwhenyougetphilosophical。\" Shelookedquietlyathim;hewastryingtoturnherownweaponsagainsther。 \"Youareactingfoolishly,Lyndall,\"hesaid,suddenlychanginghismanner,andspeakingearnestly,\"mostfoolishly。Youareactinglikealittlechild;Iamsurprisedatyou。Itisallverywelltohaveidealsandtheories;butyouknowaswellasanyonecanthattheymustnotbecarriedintothepracticalworld。Iloveyou。Idonotpretendthatitisinanyhigh,superhumansense;IdonotsaythatIshouldlikeyouaswellifyouwereuglyanddeformed,orthatIshouldcontinuetoprizeyouwhateveryourtreatmentofmemightbe,ortoloveyouthoughyouwereaspiritwithoutanybodyatall。Thatissentimentalityforbeardlessboys。Everyonenotamerechild(andyouarenotachild,exceptinyears)knowswhatlovebetweenamanandawomanmeans。Iloveyouwiththatlove。IshouldnothavebelieveditpossiblethatIcouldhavebroughtmyselftwicetoaskofanywomantobemywife,moreespeciallyonewithoutwealth,withoutposition,andwho——\" \"Yes——goon。Donotgrowsorryforme。Saywhatyouweregoingto——’whohasputherselfintomypower,andwhohaslosttherightofmeetingmeonequalterms。’Saywhatyouthink。Atleastwetwomayspeakthetruthtooneanother。\" Thensheaddedafterapause: \"Ibelieveyoudoloveme,asmuchasyoupossiblycouldloveanything;andIbelievethatwhenyouaskmetomarryyouyouareperformingthemostgenerousactyoueverhaveperformedinthecourseofyourlife,oreverwill;but,atthesametime,ifIhadrequiredyourgenerosity,itwouldnothavebeenshownme。If,whenIgotyourletteramonthago,hintingatyourwillingnesstomarryme,Ihadatoncewritten,imploringyoutocome,youwouldhavereadtheletter。’Poorlittledevil!’youwouldhavesaid,andtoreitup。ThenextweekyouwouldhavesailedforEurope,andhavesentmeacheckforahundredandfiftypounds(whichIwouldhavethrowninthefire),andIwouldhaveheardnomoreofyou。\" Thestrangersmiled。 \"ButbecauseIdeclinedyourproposal,andwrotethatinthreeweeksI shouldbemarriedtoanother,thenwhatyoucalllovewokeup。Yourman’sloveisachild’sloveforbutterflies。Youfollowtillyouhavethething,andbreakit。Ifyouhavebrokenonewing,andthethingfliesstill,thenyouloveitmorethanever,andfollowtillyoubreakboth; thenyouaresatisfiedwhenitliesstillontheground。\" \"Youareprofoundlywiseinthewaysoftheworld;youhaveseenfarintolife,\"hesaid。 Hemightaswellhavesneeredatthefirelight。 \"Ihaveseenenoughtotellmethatyoulovemebecauseyoucannotbeartoberesisted,andwanttomasterme。YoulikedmeatfirstbecauseI treatedyouandallmenwithindifference。YouresolvedtohavemebecauseIseemedunattainable。Thisisallyourlovemeans。\" Hefeltastronginclinationtostoopdownandkissthelittlelipsthatdefiedhim;butherestrainedhimself。Hesaid,quietly:\"Andyoulovedme——\" \"Becauseyouarestrong。YouarethefirstmanIeverwasafraidof。 And\"——adreamylookcameintoherface——\"becauseIliketoexperience,I liketotry。Youdon’tunderstandthat。\" Hesmiled。 \"Well,sinceyouwillnotmarryme,mayIinquirewhatyourintentionsare,theplanyouwroteof。Youaskedmetocomeandhearit,andIhavecome。\" \"Isaid,’Comeifyouwish。’Ifyouagreetoit,well;ifnot,ImarryonMonday。\" \"Well?\" Shewasstilllookingbeyondhimatthefire。 \"Icannotmarryyou,\"shesaidslowly,\"becauseIcannotbetied;butifyouwish,youmaytakemeawaywithyou,andtakecareofme;thenwhenwedonotloveanymorewecansaygood—bye。Iwillnotgodowncountry,\"sheadded;\"IwillnotgotoEurope。YoumusttakemetotheTransvaal。Thatisoutoftheworld。Peoplewemeetthereweneednotseeagaininourfuturelives。\" \"Oh,mydarling,\"hesaid,bendingtenderly,andholdinghishandouttoher,\"whywillyounotgiveyourselfentirelytome?Onedayyouwilldesertmeandgotoanother。\" Sheshookherheadwithoutlookingathim。 \"No,lifeistoolong。ButIwillgowithyou。\" \"When?\" \"Tomorrow。IhavetoldthemthatbeforedaylightIgotothenextfarm。I willwritefromthetownandtellthemthefacts。Idonotwantthemtotroubleme;Iwanttoshakemyselffreeoftheseoldsurroundings;Iwantthemtolosesightofme。Youcanunderstandthatisnecessaryforme。\" Heseemedlostinconsideration;thenhesaid: \"Itisbettertohaveyouonthoseconditionsthannotatall。Ifyouwillhaveit,letitbeso。\" Hesatlookingather。Onherfacewasthewearylookthatrestedtheresooftennowwhenshesatalone。Twomonthshadnotpassedsincetheyparted; butthetimehadsetitsmarkonher。Helookedathercarefully,fromthebrown,smoothheadtothelittlecrossedfeetonthefloor。Awornlookhadgrownoverthelittleface,anditmadeitscharmforhimstronger。 Forpainandtime,whichtracedeeplinesandwriteastoryonahumanface,haveastrangelydifferenteffectononefaceandanother。Thefacethatisonlyfair,evenveryfair,theymarandflaw;buttothefacewhosebeautyistheharmonybetweenthatwhichspeaksfromwithinandtheformthroughwhichitspeaks,powerisaddedbyallthatcausestheoutermantobearmoredeeplytheimpressoftheinner。Theprettywomanfadeswiththerosesonhercheeks,andthegirlhoodthatlastsanhour;thebeautifulwomanfindsherfullnessofbloomonlywhenapasthaswrittenitselfonher,andherpoweristhenmostirresistiblewhenitseemsgoing。 Fromundertheirhalf—closedlidsthekeeneyeslookeddownather。Hershoulderswerebent;foramomentthelittlefigurehadforgottenitsqueenlybearing,anddroopedwearily;thewide,darkeyeswatchedthefireverysoftly。 Itcertainlywasnotinherpowertoresisthim,noranystrengthinherthatmadehisownatthatmomentgrowsoftashelookedather。 Hetouchedonelittlehandthatrestedonherknee。 \"Poorlittlething!\"hesaid;\"youareonlyachild。\" Shedidnotdrawherhandawayfromhis,andlookedupathim。 \"Youareverytired?\" \"Yes。\" Shelookedintohiseyesasalittlechildmightwhomalongday’splayhadsaddened。 Heliftedhergentlyup,andsatheronhisknee。 \"Poorlittlething!\"hesaid。 Sheturnedherfacetohisshoulder,andburieditagainsthisneck;hewoundhisstrongarmabouther,andheldherclosetohim。Whenshehadsatforalongwhile,hedrewwithhishandthefacedown,andhelditagainsthisarm。Hekissedit,andthenputitbackinitsoldresting— place。 \"Don’tyouwanttotalktome?\" \"No。\" \"Haveyouforgottenthenightintheavenue?\" Hecouldfeelthatsheshookherhead。 \"Doyouwanttobequietnow?\" \"Yes。\" Theysatquitestill,exceptingthatonlysometimesheraisedherfingerssoftlytohismouth。 Doss,whohadbeenasleepinthecorner,wakingsuddenly,plantedhimselfbeforethem,hiswirylegsmovingnervously,hisyelloweyesfilledwithanxiety。Hewasnotatallsurethatshewasnotbeingretainedinherpresentpositionagainstherwill,andwasnotalittlerelievedwhenshesatupandheldoutherhandfortheshawl。 \"Imustgo,\"shesaid。 Thestrangerwrappedtheshawlverycarefullyabouther。 \"Keepitclosearoundyourface,Lyndall;itisverydampoutside。ShallI walkwithyoutothehouse?\" \"No。Liedownandrest;Iwillcomeandwakeyouatthreeo’clock。\" Sheliftedherfacethathemightkissit,and,whenhehadkisseditonce,shestillhelditthathemightkissitagain。Thenheletherout。Hehadseatedhimselfatthefireplace,whenshereopenedthedoor。 \"Haveyouforgottenanything?\" \"No。\" Shegaveonelong,lingeringlookattheoldroom。Whenshewasgone,andthedoorshut,thestrangerfilledhisglass,andsatatthetablesippingitthoughtfully。 Thenightoutsidewasmistyanddamp;thefaintmoonlight,tryingtoforceitswaythroughthethickair,madedarklyvisibletheoutlinesofthebuildings。Thestonesandwallsweremoist,andnowandthenadrop,slowlycollecting,fellfromtheeavestotheground。Doss,notlikingthechangefromthecabin’swarmth,ranquicklytothekitchendoorstep;buthismistresswalkedslowlypasthim,andtookherwayupthewindingfootpaththatranbesidethestonewallofthecamps。Whenshecametotheendofthelastcamp,shethreadedherwayamongthestonesandbushestillshereachedtheGerman’sgrave。Whyshehadcomethereshehardlyknew; shestoodlookingdown。Suddenlyshebentandputonehandonthefaceofawetstone。 \"Ishallnevercometoyouagain,\"shesaid。 Thenshekneltontheground,andleanedherfaceuponthestones。 \"Dearoldman,goodoldman,Iamsotired!\"shesaid(forwewillcometothedeadtotellsecretswewouldneverhavetoldtotheliving)。Iamsotired。Thereislight,thereiswarmth,\"shewailed;\"whyamIalone,sohard,socold?Iamsowearyofmyself!Itiseatingmysoultoitscore— —self,self,self!Icannotbearthislife!Icannotbreathe,Icannotlive!Willnothingfreemefrommyself?\"Shepressedhercheekagainstthewoodenpost。\"Iwanttolove!Iwantsomethinggreatandpuretoliftmetoitself!Dearoldman,Icannotbearitanymore!Iamsocold,sohard,sohard;willnoonehelpme?\"